I know. Another corona entry. It just seems there is nothing like a good pandemic and the associated fevers to really stir up the admin creative juices until all those clever new ideas just bubble up out of the froth.
And another form this time around too: danger-assessment forms. (Or, in German, Gefährdungsbeurteilungen. Only slightly longer and with slightly fewer spaces. Admin is a universal constant after all.) And not just any such form, but the one that was newly introduced by the University of Not-Bielefeld’s Work and Safety Office to ensure our safety while working on-site during the pandemic. Basically, for any teaching or research activities that were to take place on campus, this form had to be filled out in advance and approved by the Work and Safety Office.
I suppose that the form is supposed to be for our collective good, but it’s hard to see it as anything more than the pandemic causing the Work and Safety Office to have a sudden fit of new-found self-importance. (Either that or the typical admin ploy of trotting out a new form to give the appearance of having done something.) Make no mistake about it. Like so many other forms, and more than most, the corona-specific, danger-assessment form is exceedingly pointless. (It is also the same brilliant black is white, exclamation-point overloaded, creative masterpiece that I mentioned some time back.) When you boil this form down to its microscopic essence, it works out to agreeing to hold the on-site activities in accordance with the University’s hygiene regulations. These, in turn, are the not too inventive and now all too well known measures of masks, social distancing, copious amounts of alcohol, and frequent breaks with lots of fresh air. Do you really need central admin to sign off on this?
As it turns out, you don’t …
After only a single semester, Work and Safety realized just how many courses take place at the university and just how many forms they had to sign, if not actually read. So they found a way to reduce the admin load (or, more to the point, their admin load) by absolving themselves of the responsibility for their actions by shifting it down the admin chain. Instead of the sensible solution of having us all simply agree to obey the University’s corona-specific hygiene regulations (something that we essentially all do in the form anyway), the job of signing, and possibly reading, all the teaching-related forms now fell to the Dean of Students in each faculty. The Dean, of course, is just a normal prof, who has (been) volunteered for this particular position. Nevertheless that apparently makes them infinitely more qualified to judge whether any and all submitted safety measures adequately meet current work and safety regulations than, say, me, a normal prof who hasn’t volunteered.
To some extent, the point behind any form, and particularly for particularly pointless forms like this one is to create extra work for other people. And this one has fulfilled its role perfectly. First of all, you have to fill it out for every course you teach as well as every separate form of research (e.g., lab-based vs. fieldwork). More surprisingly and annoyingly, although you’d think it would be hard to not get the form approved (I mean, who’s going to tick the box that says that no social-distancing measures will be implemented, right?), it’s happened to me on no less than three occasions.
At the very least, it does indicate that someone is reading my forms besides me …
Strike 1: Work and Safety turned down my request to teach part of a class on campus. The class was basically about how to write and do presentations and, although I did most of the class online, I thought that it would be good for the students to do their presentations live and with a live audience. Anyone who has given a lecture online will understand why. Work and Safety, however, thought otherwise. What was particularly annoying about all this is not that the form wasn’t approved, but how I found out about the rejection. I submitted the form electronically when the whole university was in lockdown and pretty much no one was allowed on campus. Pretty much the only thing more nonsensical than the rejection itself was that it came via the interoffice mail system at a time when the university was still in a partial lockdown and everyone was encouraged to work from home unless it was absolutely necessary. As such, I didn’t discover the rejection until just before the presentations were to take place (no news is good news, right?) and far too late to do anything about it.
Strike 2: The Dean of Students rejected my application to have a Bachelor student conduct behavioural observations for their thesis at a nearby zoo because I hadn’t included what hygiene measures the zoo had and whether they were in compliance with those of the University of Not-Bielefeld. Naturally it made no difference arguing that I had no control over what measures the zoo chose to implement beyond the same ones dictated by the provincial government that the University was also following nor that the zoo was closed to visitors for the foreseeable future (= social distancing) and that the observations would be carried out outdoors (= fresh air) wearing a scarf (= mask, sort of) because of the cold. Luckily, however, copying the hygiene measures from the zoo’s webpage was enough to appease the Dean.
Strike 3: Not even one year later, the Dean’s Office refused to even accept my application to have a different Bachelor student do observations at a different zoo (= different hygiene measures = new form) because such research activities might no longer be within their realm of responsibility. Oh, and could I please check with Work and Safety to see if they are responsible or if it is indeed the Dean’s Office or if my very own signature will suffice. Right. Apart from the ludicrous notion of me filling out someone else’s form only for me to approve of what I want in the first place (and if that isn’t a definition of admin, I don’t know what is), why should I bother to check what job someone else might or might not have to be doing? If my signature is enough, why ask? It’s done. If not, I’ve submitted the form. And, in any case, Work and Safety have never answered any of my e-mails requesting help since the start of the pandemic.
Fortunately, one of the secretaries in the Institute came to my rescue and took up the call on my behalf. A mere 10 days after asking Work and Safety about the situation, they responded (over e-mail!) with the astute and informed observation derived from years of specialized, intense training that they had no objections so long as the hygiene regulations of both the University and the zoo were followed. In other words, pretty much what was on the pointless form in the first place. The request for an official signature on the official form has so far gone unanswered …
And, yer out!!!
(If only because the corona form is now officially obsolete. (Actually, unofficially obsolete. Yes, the absurd situation mentioned above has now been officially realized: completely untrained profs have now been officially “empowered” to approve their own safety protocols on behalf of admin.) Yes, despite Germany still battling record infection numbers, the University continues to stand by its decision to fully open up all teaching again for the coming summer semester …)
The Blog About Fog 